052. Reason and Integrity
Anyway, we sat around the table in the living room of Nora's house, and after we each introduced ourselves, we briefly explained the circumstances that led up to this point.
「I see. I understand what's going on, but ― if your will is that firm, why not?」
When Osada-kun said that, I involuntarily stared at his face. "Eeeh!?"
I thought Osada-kun would convince Lilyza to give up.
「But even so, I'm still going to have a problem if she doesn't give us at least a "minimum reason". After all, we are not going to defeat demonic beasts just for fun. And we don't have the right to listen to Lilyza's selfishness. As a result, whatever you do, it's my opinion to say, 'Do as you please.'.」
This is an unusually harsh opinion for Osada-kun, but he is consistent and reasonable from start to finish.
「Why did Liliyza, a prostitute, suddenly want to go on a demonic beast extermination mission? I heard that she used to be a fixer, but it wasn't "just a whim", was it?」
I was curious about that too.
But no matter how much I tried to get to the bottom of it, Lilyza kept blurting it out or being self-centered and not giving me a straight answer.
――A long silence.
Five minutes. Or was it 10 minutes have passed? The moment I was about to open my mouth, I couldn't stand the heavy silence any longer.
「I had told Yuuto before that my friends had been killed by goblins, and that I had been severely beaten and humiliated. They also violated my virginity.」
I could clearly see Nora gasp for air, but Lilyza continued,
「After that, I met the owner of the current store, ...... and even though I was raped, I was still interested in sex, and when I actually did the work, I didn't find it that repulsive. Then I met Yuuto ― and I thought that a life like his, where you support people who are trying their hardest, is not so bad, so I kept working as a prostitute.」
Said Lilyza, she had always had the impression in the back of her mind that "something was different".
「At first, I thought it was just 'I'm lost' or 'I'm just not ready for it', but―You know. But then I started hearing rumors about Yuuto, and the feeling grew stronger and stronger. ......The other day I realized that "my desire to be the best prostitute in Hanaria was a lie".」
「What?」
I could not hide my surprise at these unexpected words.
「B-but, Lilyza. You ...... weren't you so happy that you were the 11th place in the Golden Crown!」
「Yep. That in itself is true, and I'm happy about it, but ― That's different. What I really want to do is to protect the people I love and those who are in a weak position with my own hands.」
「――!」
「That's all I've ever wanted, and I've been practicing martial arts for as long as I can remember. But ......」
She was defeated by goblins, her leader was dismembered in front of her, and her friends and her own body were humiliated.
How deeply shocked I was by the "facts" ―― not as small as a person like me could put into words, though.
「I still have nightmares, and my body shivers at the thought of killing each other against demonic beasts and goblins―but on the other hand, I wondered if my "determination" was such a level that I could easily give up on it, even though I had failed just once ― and in Yuuto's case, when I first met him, he was really weak - he even said he was level 1, and I even made fun of him inwardly, but he quickly rose through the ranks to become a fixer... I honestly think he's "Amazing!"」
「That's ......」
「In comparison, being defeated by a mere goblin, and having my heart broken...I was so shocked at how tiny I was, lying and running away. I found myself secretly resuming my training, and I thought, ...... if I could do it all over again, this time I would go my own way without telling any lies.」
「――I see.」
Osada-kun said with a sigh.
「But that's still "not enough". Besides, I'm not going to change my attitude of using Yuuto for my own convenience.」
「...... I thought it was strange, but I find it hard to believe that someone with such superior fighting ability was defeated by a goblin.」
Nora, who had been listening attentively to the conversation, frankly expressed her doubts.
In that aspect, I thought it was "strange", too.
However, you never know what will happen in a real battle.
No matter how high your level is, it is very common to get caught in a simple trap and die.
(But the reality is that Lilyza and her friends were defeated by the goblins ― which means that "something has happened".)
After thinking about this and that in my head, I ...
「――No way. Did they take your friend hostage?」
I muttered with a flash of inspiration, and Lilyza confirmed my guess, saying, "Correct".
「At that time, we were caught in the goblins' trap, and we managed to fight back, but our leader, Yen, was captured. I didn't understand the goblin's words, but I understood from their attitude that they would say "If you don't want him to be killed, surrender". ...... I couldn't abandon my friends, so we agreed.」
「You were betrayed so easily—Is that what you mean?」
I was really disgusted by the cruelty of the goblins, but that certainly makes sense.
The fact that Lilyza was not able to save the people she was supposed to protect - her friends - probably left deeper scars on her heart than simply "being defeated by the goblins".
「............」
I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking about it, and then...
「Let me ask you one last thing. What are you going to do if you follow me? Are you going to "protect" me or "support" me? To take the place of those you once failed to protect.」
「That's―」
「If so, let's pretend we never had this conversation.」
When I said this, Lilyza looked surprised.
「If it's the current Lilyza, I can rely on her to some extent――I might be able to entrust my back to her. but」
「...... if she ever finds herself in a similar situation, I'm sure she'll repeat the same thing, huh」
I gave a big nod of approval to Osada-kun's words. But
「T-that will not happen! This time ...... this time, that will never happen again!」
「I said that's 'troubling'! You're being intrusive!」
I thought to myself that the line was surprisingly cruel, but once it was out of my mouth, I couldn't retract it, nor did I intend to.
Sure enough, Lilyza seemed to be in for a big shock...... but, after I let out a big breath.
「That's why I can't accept you as a 'friend'. It's too much of a risk. That's why ― as a 'collaborator'. Or just as a "companion," it's up to the individual. You can do whatever you want.」
When I said this, Nora said sharply, "Yuuto!" But, I continued to speak.
「As you know, a fixer is a person who respects the will and freedom of the individual. So, if Lilyza herself says she wants to "start over" or "follow her heart," she can do it on her own. I have no right to stop you, nor do I have any reason to recommend it. Besides...」
「Ahh. Well, we haven't told you about our rules, but just in case you're in the situation, "This is bad!", or "There's nothing we can do about it!", we're making it a condition that you put your own safety first and abandon your companions」
「Haaahh!?」
Perhaps too surprisingly, Lilyza uttered a strange voice.
「We are not the protagonists of the story. Neither a hero, nor a brave man, nor an omnipotent, nor a god. We are helpless and puny―A trivial existence. That is why we support each other and use each other to live. However, the world is not that easy, and there are many things that can go wrong. In such a situation, if you have to choose between "your own life or someone else's life", take "your life" without hesitation. Even if you end up abandoning your friends, that is something that everyone must accept as a matter of course when they become a fixer or a buster.」
It is because we distort that part of ourselves that we are unable to take it back.
「Kindness and compassion are virtues, but they are not enough. The world is cruel and merciless - The survival of the fittest. If you want to live in such a world, you have to be strong. No matter what others may say.」
So even if Osada-kun and Lilyza abandon me, I will die thinking, "Well, it can't be helped".
I am prepared to die with that level of resolve.
「Of course, there are exceptions, such as "depending on the situation" and "exceptional cases," but ―Lilyza. Don't think too much about it. Do what you want. You only live once. Live as you please ...... live selfishly, and then die」
I said this and Lilyza stared at me for a while.
「...... You're a terrible man. I think in a case like this, you're supposed to use cooler words to round out your story――」
「Sorry. But――I think this is one of the 'honesty' I can show to others myself.」
It's easy to lie and deceive.
But that kind of plating will soon come off and rebound on you as a thorn in your side.
「That's why I'll do what I want. You too, Lilyza, do as you please. Leaving that aside, Osada-kun, how did it go?」
「Perfect! We've got enough supplies and preparations! I just went to the warehouse with Luia and got my advance payment too! And...」
「And?」
「I don't know the details, but they are planning to have a few Felician healers accompany each unit for "too dangerous" and "safety reasons" regarding this mission.」
「Haaahh!?」
It's reassuring to know that Felician believers, who govern fertility and medicine, will be accompanying us on this dangerous mission, but―
(Why didn't you tell us that right then and there?)
Did he simply forget? Or ― as I was thinking about this and that...
「......Say, Yuuto. I want to talk to you too.」
Nora pulled at the hem of my clothes and "What do you want to talk about?" I asked.
「Me too ......I'll go with you on your mission. It's called―Right! "For maintenance of equipment, and so on."」
When I was told that, I said "Rejecteeeeeedddd!" But...
「Didn't you just tell Lilyza to do whatever she wanted? Besides―I have my own thoughts on the matter. I'm sorry, but I'll go along with you no matter what you say.」
For some reason, even Nora started to be selfish.
I tried my best to think of a way to get her to give up, but...
「Nora. You don't have to ask Yuuto for permission or inquiries for every single thing. I mean, why don't we go to the Guild and register as Fixers together? Just so you know, anyone can become a member as long as he or she is "15 years of age or older, physically and mentally sound and have no criminal or medical history in the past"♪」
I couldn't say anything because of Lilyza's righteous argument...
「Well. Let's just give up and let them do what they want」
I don't know if he was trying to console me or sympathize with me, but Osada-kun put his hand on my drooping shoulder.
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