Slave Harem Volume 4, Chapter 29

Chapter 29

　Mars Irving――Arukimachi Yukito was Japanese.

　Regarding his birth, he himself knew nothing, as he was raised in an orphanage.

　The surname "Arukimachi" was taken from the name of a nearby town, and he didn't know his true surname.

　He was an abandoned child without even a birth certificate. In such cases, the governor or someone else would assign a surname.

　From a young age, he had a strong awareness that he had nothing.

　In reality, he had nothing. He had nothing except his own existence. A surname that he didn't share with anyone couldn't be a source of support for his heart.

　His parents were the teachers at the orphanage, and his home was the same orphanage as the other children. His clothes and belongings were hand-me-downs from unfamiliar people.

　He didn't have any toys or trendy things that his classmates had. Due to his complex background, he was discriminated against, and he struggled to make friends. The parents of his classmates didn't want their children to have contact with a child-like Mars.

　Still, he didn't have a particularly dark personality. But he was afraid of losing things and being left with nothing, so he couldn't bring himself to make friends or start a romantic relationship.

　He was afraid of obtaining something precious.

　Everyone should have experienced writing their parents' names on official documents at government offices or schools.

　Every time he had to sign consent forms for surgery or find a guarantor for a rental property, he was reminded that he had nothing.

　Without anyone to rely on or a place to cling to, he grew up with the consciousness that he had to figure things out on his own. That awareness was ingrained in him since he could remember, even after becoming Mars. He couldn't fully bridge the distance with his newly formed family after his reincarnation.

　At first, he ventured into the dungeon alone. He didn't have the confidence to live well with someone else.

　It was scary to step into someone else's territory.

　Everyone feels a certain level of anxiety, but Mars had much stronger feelings than an average person.

　If he always remained an outsider, he wouldn't get hurt. It was only when he became involved with others that he experienced nothing but pain.

　For Mars, meeting Lilia and wanting to be with her was truly a miracle.

　He desperately secured a special scholarship and attended high school, managed to enter a decent university, and the previous incarnation of Mars found employment in a somewhat well-known company.

　He was not diligent by nature but kept making efforts because he had to in order to survive.

　From the perspective of the majority, Mars seemed to enjoy a stable and high standard of living, but the reality of his life was nothing more than a lie.

　Anxiety about losing things consumed him, and he couldn't spend money freely. He focused on saving, had disastrous interpersonal relationships, and his mobile phone at that time didn't have a single contact unrelated to work.

　He only bought ready-made meals and never cooked for himself.

　Even on weekends and holidays, he devoted himself solely to work, filling his time and mind with busyness.

　He wanted to avoid going outside unless it was for work or shopping.

　If he went outside, all he saw were things that he couldn't obtain no matter how much effort he put in.

　If he walk through residential areas in the evening, he could smell the aroma of meals being prepared in households.

　Someone was cooking a meal for someone else, waiting for their return.

　When he smelled that scent of happiness, he felt a sense of impotent anger.

　Seeing seemingly happy families, he didn't just feel sadness; he felt an urge to kill.

　Essentially, Mars and "Jet-Black" had very similar human nature.

　When he saw others, he only felt inferiority. He wanted to exclude them. And he gave up because he believed that such a self would never be accepted by anyone.

　If he could flip the board, he surely would have done so.

　If everyone was unhappy, he could accept his own unhappiness.

　The reason why Mars didn't become like "Jet-Black" is that he didn't hear the voice of that so-called God. That's the only difference. If he had heard it, there was a high possibility that he would have acted similarly to "Jet-Black."

　Anyone who has experienced more despair than hope will become depressed.

　They become increasingly envious of others' happiness and develop a desire to snatch it away.

　In his previous life, Mars didn't have any hobbies or a sense of purpose; he simply consumed time.

　It was more like a machine than a human life.

　At that time, Mars didn't harbor any desires that were even close to greed.

　Not desiring anything was his way of protecting his heart, his way of navigating through life.

　If he gave up on everything from the start, he could maintain a state of tranquility.

　After all, humans lose everything in the end.

　Even the body is lost, so it seemed futile to seek anything during the process of living.

　Perhaps he didn't possess a vessel to accumulate happiness.

　However, continuing such a life would eventually take a toll on his mental well-being.

　At one point, Arukimachi Yukito decided to consider quitting.

　It was no different from quitting his job.

　No, it was simpler than that. It was like quitting a game.

　I'll stop here for today――I'm tired of it already.

　That's how little importance he had within himself.

　He donated all his possessions to the orphanage and took three days to settle his affairs.

　During that period, without any hesitation, the preparations for his departure went smoothly and seamlessly.

　He prepared with the enthusiasm of a grade schooler going on a field trip.

　When he hung himself in the room devoid of furniture, he laughed from the depths of his heart for the first time.

　Amidst the intense pain and suffering, he felt like he was truly alive for the first time.

　Just zero returning to zero.

　A person with nothing becoming nothing.

　With that thought, the kicked chair seemed like a stairway to heaven.

　The cause of death was suicide. "Jet-Black" shared the same fate.

　This marked the end of Arukimachi Yukito and the beginning of Mars Irving.

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